Inspiring Audacity
by Satine89
Summary: Artemis is plotting his latest move, but a player girl from the neighboring school has set her sights on him! Of course, Artemis wants her gone, but what will it take? K for language. One-shot.


**Inspiring Audacity**

One must understand the woman in question before we explain her crazy exploits… for Crystal Loethe is not a particularly normal individual.

One must grasp the fact that she is pretty, she is smart, and she was good enough to land herself in the most privileged girl's school in all of Europe – Lady of Fatima Girl's Academy, directly across from the best boy's school in Europe, St. Bartelby's. However, in addition to being pretty and an unrivaled female genius (in the human sense, but even the pixie Opal Koboi would have trouble with this girl), she was a crazy party girl, a shady atheist, and a notorious player who could never keep her eyes from wandering when she passed St. Bartelby's.

It was rumored that she had once had a boyfriend a day for two weeks straight, but it was not a rumor that the great Artemis Fowl even cared about. In fact, he just as well assumed that the geniuses that went out with her were suffering from temporary insanity – partly because they picked such a whore, partly because they even wanted a girlfriend.

It's not hard to understand Artemis' perspective on the matter of the female sex. A genius such as him would only be hindered by a tender female voice telling him that crime would just leave him the loser in the end, that he was much better of philandering around for the day with the bedroom door locked. No, Artemis preferred to be single, and for the most part, all the girls at Our Lady of Fatima obliged. Artemis was very creepy to them.

Of course, Crystal Loethe wasn't "most girls".

On a breezy October morning, Crystal had been walking past St. Bartelby's, having broken the heart of the second-in-command of the science club from the aforementioned school. It bugged Crystal, though, that none of the perfectly intelligent men she played were second best. Who was the first best? Why was it always the same person that was first?

Artemis was going through his day planner, sitting by himself (as he preferred it) on a green metal bench, and not even noticing how surreal the scene was. Autumn leaves were floating past him, having been picked up by surreptitious breezes; the trees had not yet lost their leaves; and everyone rushing past was bundled up in loose coats. The females bidding their boyfriends adieu were wearing loose coats, but tight school uniforms. It looked like the cover for a new Hollywood blockbuster… or an inaccurate movie made by Artemis' good friends, the fairy folk.

Crystal saw Artemis sitting their, trying to figure out how the best way to steal away some paintings held in a private collection by Thomas Crown (the American businessman), and instantly knew. Artemis wasn't like the other losers she had test-driven, so to speak; he was the first in command, the one that she had so longed for.

It didn't help that he was somewhat good looking and a criminal. Bad boys were always more alluring.

Crystal walked towards the brooding teenager, trying to catch a glimpse at his day planner. If he had a date coming up, it would surely be written in there. Her black hair flittered behind her as she stood by the bench.

Artemis looked up into Crystal's blue eyes. Crystal noticed the curious absence of emotion in Artemis' eyes.

"Can I help you?" Artemis asked in a cold-as-ice voice.

Crystal decided that the best card to play here was the sweetness card. "I just want you to know that… well, it's all so terribly embarrassing, I think… telling this to someone…"

Artemis wasn't impressed. "You haven't liked me for forever, because you were going out with the ASB's historian a week ago before you dumped him for the VP of the Science club. Sorry, not interested."

Crystal blanched. He hadn't fallen for it. Why hadn't he fallen for it?

"How do you…?"  
"You're being monitored, Loethe," Artemis snapped in an equally cold voice as before. "There are spy ware cameras everywhere on this campus. I know this because I planted them. I know everything that goes on in this school, and I've recently wired sound recorders into most of the rooms in Our Lady of Fatima's. You've been being monitored ever since you came into my consciousness."

"Your consciousness?" Crystal repeated.

"Yes," Artemis said tautly. "Now, if you don't want to be PNG-ed by my bodyguard, please leave."

Crystal summoned the remaining vestiges of her gall and gritted her teeth.

"I'm used to getting my way, whoever you are -!"

"Artemis Fowl the Second."

"Okay, Artemis," Crystal seethed. "I'm used to getting my way with men, and you aren't any different. I'll have you, just as I've had everyone else!"

Artemis was now back to his planning. "Sure, now just go before my bodyguard gets it into his head to shoot you."

Crystal tromped off angrily, her Mary Janes smashing the small pebbles underfoot.

_Mess with me, will you? Well, we'll see about that, Master Fowl!_

-

A day later, Crystal had tried, yet again, to get Artemis. This time, he was ready… or so he thought.

Everyone was still wearing a coat. Crystal was no exception… except for the tiny fact that the only thing she was wearing was a coat.

Artemis placed his head in his right hand, scribbling away a plot into his day planner with his left hand. "How hard is it to understand the word no?"

"Okay, so maybe I was lying before," Crystal snapped. She sat down next to Artemis on the bench. Artemis bit his lip discreetly. He really didn't like Crystal, and the only thing in his arsenal was a scooter that doubled as a telescopic cane.

"But no man has ever resisted me," Crystal admitted in a breathier tone. Pretty soon, Artemis knew, she would come in for the kill.

In a split second, Artemis yanked the handle off of his scooter and forced the cane to telescope out. It smashed into Crystal's head, and she fell backward, half-shocked that someone could resist the coat advance and half-reeling from the telescopic tube's power.

Artemis stood up. "Only one person has ever bested me. And that person is now in a mental institution. Don't make me resign you to the same fate."

Crystal sat up, vehemently spitting out a stray blade of grass. "You think you're so great, Master Fowl? What makes you so great? So you moonlight as a criminal. Everyone in your school does! You're all a bunch of genius doctors and criminals and Lotharios!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow – a serious display of emotion. "Which school do you speak of?"

"I'll be back for you!" Crystal screamed as she walked away from Artemis again.

There was no doubt in Artemis' mind that Crystal would come back. He still hated the notion of being anyone's boyfriend, but he decided that, if he ever had to make the decision, he would lie about it.

Artemis' eyes widened. He would lie about it. No girl was able to ask out a guy with a tragic tale plaguing his mind. He knew all about that. The Internet was full of stories such as that.

Now all he had to do was wait for Crystal to try her ruse again.

-

Crystal was wearing her school uniform that day. Lucky Artemis, he wouldn't be molested today. Of course, Artemis was doing what he always did: conspired to get what he wanted in an illegal fashion.

He saw Crystal coming towards him out of the corner of his eye. He ignored her.

"Hello, Artemis," Crystal said soothingly. So now she was trying to pull a weird motherly act. This girl really was multifaceted.

Artemis glared at her. "Look, I'm busy." At least that wasn't a lie.

"You look so lonely here all alone…"

"You don't know loneliness, you bitch."

Artemis was surprised at his own coldness. Crystal just got a bit agitated, as if she was called a female dog often or something, and continued.

"Maybe I could just, you know, join you…"

"The only girl who could ever join me would be Lindsay," Artemis sneered, saying the first name he thought of. Ironically, that was the name of his least favorite actress, Lindsay Lohan.

"Lindsay…?" Crystal asked, seemingly crushed by this new revelation.

"Yeah, Lindsay. The daughter of a mob boss that my father had known since childhood. But guess what? A suicidal creep killed her, and then turned the gun on himself. So in case you were wondering why I kept refusing you, that's why!"

Crystal sat in front of Artemis, stunned for a few seconds. Suddenly, the most unanticipated thing Crystal could have done happened: she smiled.

"That was a good sob story, Master Fowl," Crystal sneered. "But you think I haven't heard any of those before?"

Artemis gritted his teeth noticeably. "What will it take… to get you to leave?"

"You."

Artemis narrowed his eyes before giving a slight smirk. It was a smirk that told others that he was three steps ahead of them.

"You should be applauded, Miss Loethe," Artemis noted. "Your audacity is rather inspiring."

Crystal inhaled. This was it. She was going to get Artemis. A guy always congratulated the girl before asking her out.

"You have the drive necessary, I think…"  
She couldn't take the suspense.

"If I ever need a suicide bomber, I'll call you."

Artemis strode towards the school, listening to the veiled threats Crystal shot at him.

Finally, she screeched, "Fine! You can do whatever you want! I don't want to ever see you again!"  
Artemis smirked widely. Check and mate. Now for Mr. Crown and his picture of the guy in the bowler hat…

The End

A/N: Well, that has to be the most egocentric, unlikable character I've ever created… of course, this is a slightly egocentric story, no? I mean, there are only two characters, for God's sake, and one of them is my own. I really want to know people's thoughts on this one, because it is definitely out there…

A/N 2: Please tell me – was Crystal unlikable?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Artemis Fowl, and, not being completely possessive, I haven't claimed him as my own, like Crystal.


End file.
